Saturday, 11 September 2010

Creepy Pokemon Story - Redux!

Thursday, 9 September 2010

#013-#015 :: Weedle/Kakuna/Beedrill

One day in Viridian a Weedle grew,
He ate some leaves and a Caterpie too,
Then a trainer came passing through
And caught little Weedle with a Pokeball he threw.

Now Weedle had to fight at the trainer’s request,
But he was trained in what he did best,
Killing Caterpie was nothing like a test,
He did it all day without even a rest.

They travelled on to the gym in Pewter,
And beat Brock with Squirtle’s water,
Weedle fought hard and became Kakuna,
He said wow, why hadn’t he evolved sooner?

Kakuna learned Harden and became tough,
In Mount Moon, he played a bit rough,
But before that he poisoned Jigglypuff
And trainer caught a Geodude called Sho’Nuff!

Kakuna came to Cerulean,
Beating Sandshrew and consuming them,
The gym battle was won without question,
Kakuna poisoning Staryu for attention!

Kakuna became the drill with which to pierce the heavens,
Beedrill was his name, and he attacked in sevens
Beedrill grew in power and dimensions,
With trainer by his side, money wasn’t too tight to mention.

Beedrill went south and found Butterfree,
A mother in part to the murdered Caterpie,
Bug Trainer smiled in his own private glee,
As Beedrill fell to a critcal Psybeam!

Beedrill, the predator,
Now, without successor,
The trainer lost in three turns or under,
His Nuzlocke challenge was now forever over.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

#010-#012 :: Caterpie/Metapod/Butterfree

If you caught a Metapod and was disappointed to find out it only had Harden, your comments would be greatly appreciated since you totally got trolled by it. 

One of the first Pokemon you can catch (in Red/Blue/FireRed/LeafGreen) is Caterpie. Naturally if you had picked a Charmander you were more than likely burning this thing and it's fellow bugs to eternal Pokehell.

If so, I salute you because catching this thing was a massive waste of time.

Let's examine the large movepool consisting of three (yes three!!) moves. Tackle, String Shot and Bug Bite.

Tackle has a 95% hit rate, so feel free to get trolled when it misses that Rattata who will undoubtedly counter with a critical hit, forcing you to find a PokeCenter to heal the bug again! Failing that, you can make your opponent temporarily slower (!) with String Shot, feel the excitement.

Caterpie didn't even learn Bug Bite until the more recent games and even then you're forced to hold off it's evolution into Butterfree (who is actually useful) just to learn a move that eats berries and attacks ghosts? Hell naw!

Regardless, you barely have this thing in a ball before it does evolve (way to sabotage any emotional connection) into something that learns Harden, insert male genitalia joke here.

Then you barely have Stiffy before it evolves into a Butterfree.

That might be the point where Stiffy's name loses the appeal.

So you've added a few pages to your Pokedex and have now realised that your Charmander (if you chose it) won't do any damage to the local gym leader. So out comes Stiffy the Butterfree...

"My bug will do the best it can."
Brock smiles with his closed eyes, knowing that Rock moves have a 4x advantage over this weak bug.
Butterfree then uses Confusion, Onix becomes confused and hilarity ensues as you are tempted to say "Hey Onix, stop hitting yourself lol"

So Butterfree acts like a true all-star Pokemon and you rethink your position on it, maybe it is a good Pokemon to have and maybe this Magikarp that I just bought from a shady salesman is as awesome as he says.

A shame then that Butterfree goes nowhere but downhill from here on in until you face that bug catcher near Vermilion City. I lost to that guy once.

Time to get some revenge on him.

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Creepy Pokemon Story!

In place of the next set of Poketrolls (Caterpie/Metapod/Butterfree will be up tomorrow I assure you, perhaps even Weedle/Kakuna/Beedrill too) I thought I should share a creepy Pokemon story with you all.

Some of you will have undoubtedly heard of this as apparently someone is actually making a game (!) of this story.

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

#007-#009 :: Squirtle/Wartortle/Blastoise

Above: The Squirtle Squad attempt to drown Pikachu, hilarity ensues.

In a bit of a follow-on from yesterday, I would've chosen Red had I actually been given the choice.

Instead I was given Pokemon Blue, with the gun-toting tortoise on the cover. Now that made my choice easy with the starter Pokemon since I just had to pick Squirtle. All went well at first as my new buddy made quick work of the opposing Bulbasaur. Now to play the game for real.

A couple of minutes later and you get the obligatory same-type move. In this case Squirtle learned Bubble.

Bubble is perhaps the single weakest attack in the entire game, not just in power but in what it portrays. I'm expected to believe that a bubble is going to harm, much less faint an opponent?

Go ahead, blow a bubble now if you can and see if it topples a building.

Then recall how Bubble in the game toppled a giant rock-snake in one/two attacks.

And you do have to admit those shades were really cool.

Monday, 30 August 2010

#004-#006 :: Charmander/meleon/izard

Given the choice, would you pick Blue or Red?

Some people made their choice based on the cover stars of the game, Red contained the big dragon Pokemon Charizard, an obvious display of power. For those who picked Red based on this fact, it would have been an easy choice to pick the first in the line of powerful fire lizards.

For a while, it would have seemed like a perfect choice, Charmander learned to roast things pretty early and by the time you made it to Viridian Forest you would be spending an extended visit burning some bugs to the ground. It felt good man.

So you leave the forest and turn up to your first gym battle brimming with confidence, that's when it all starts.

"Fire types are weak to my rock-hard defence."
"But Charmander is strong as anything, he's a dragon-in-training!"
"Oh hai, this is my Onix."

So perhaps you beat Brock and feel validated that your Charmander is still the right choice. So you go to Mount Moon to beat on some more locals and are then faced with more rock-types looking to ruin your day. Okay, it's a tough moment but you're still going to get that awesome dragon in the end right?

Then comes Misty and her water Pokemon...

Then it hit you, maybe you should've picked the grass/water Pokemon instead?

Alternatively, look at how Charizard treat Ash in the anime, troll or trollest?

Something I've been listening to recently -- Magnetic Man - I Need Air